An experiment getting out of hand

Last week an application for the iPhone was released that makes it possible to log in Second Life® from your phone and chat or IM, look in your inventory, check the map and even teleport. I happen to have an iPhone and my first thought when I read about it was: "I must have!".
That is quite strange if you consider that I never had the wish to log in SL® with my phone before. I don't have a business in SL that makes it necessary to stay in touch all the time. Besides that I usually can simply log in with my Mac, when I feel the need to. I really don't need this app called TouchLife. But what is it that makes us do things, only because we can?
My common sense resistance lasted exactly two days: TouchLife was released on Thursday, on Sunday I got it on my iPhone. Reason for surrendering: it would make me able to finally give my cute male alt a hug! (Ehrrm yeah, I know I already had that possibility with AjaxLife, but forget about that for now, ok?)

Of course there was going to be a blogpost about the whole experiment, obviously accompanied by a picture of the happy hugging moment. I made sure to have everything prepared for the happening: both avatars were properly dressed in the hours before - including a new outfit for DD, the alt - and I logged them off at different places, because I wanted to try the teleport function of TouchLife. And then, on Sunday evening everything was ready...
But alas, despite the thorough preparation events took a different course. Below a report in words and images of what happened on this memorable evening:

1. Zippora logs in on the Mac and as usually starts wasting a lot of precious time with not doing what she intended to do, like shopping for something she can't find and IMing with a friend, Peter Stindberg in this case. When she tells him about her plan for a photo session with DD, she invites him to meet her brother personally, which Peter accepts. Zippora offers Peter a teleport to her Japanese garden, where the event is supposed to take place.

2. DD succesfully logs in on the iPhone, accepts Zippora's teleport offer and smoothly lands next to Peter and Zippora. The guys are introduced to each other, but before a decent conversation can develop a fourth person unexpectedly teleports in: a lady with the typical name GREENconcept Helfer, a.k.a. Peter's store alt (fig. 1).

(Fig. 1 from left to right: DD, Peter, GC, Zippora)


3. GREENConcept Helfer (GC) seems to like DD at first sight. That's rather an understatement actually: she blatantly ignores Peter and Zippora and tries to hit on poor DD in IM, who at the moment is actually more interested in finding out how to move his cam. GC apparently doesn't let the grass grow under her green feet though and rezzes a cube, which grows to immense proportions within seconds, and starts pushing DD with it.
DD, who is quite shy in general and besides that is somewhat limited by low speed typing and unability to walk due to the iPhone, can do nothing but let it happen and thus is shoved into the walled zen garden by Miss Helfer, out of sight for Peter and Zippora (fig. 2).

(Fig. 2: DD and GC secluding themselves)


4. While DD and GC are hiding behind the wall, apparently in IM, Zippora reminds DD in open chat of the reason of his presence: namely hugging her in order to take a picture for the blog. But GC interrupts the conversation brutally, by saying that DD is hers for the moment and Zippora can wait. It's not clear if DD is just struggling with his tiny keyboard when this happens, whether he is speechless of embarrassment or maybe even agrees with his brandnew girlfriend, but fact is that he stays silent on the matter (fig. 3).

(Fig. 3: GC and DD conspiring behind the wall - what are they up to?)


5. Peter meanwhile tells Zippora that she should allow DD to have his little pleasures in SLife and she reluctantly agrees - fearing that her photo experiment is doomed to fail. They find themselves a comfortable seat in the garden and start a vivid conversation as usual, temporarily forgetting about the couple behind the wall.
Only after a while Zippora can't resist any longer and decides to secretly cam around the corner. She is shocked with what she finds... (fig. 4).

(Fig. 4: GC gets what she wants)


6. Apparently GC has reached her goal. A few minutes after being discovered she logs off - not before having left a note with her telephone number in DD's pocket - and leaves a rather confused DD behind. Regarding the time - it's past midnight - Zippora shows no compassion with the boy though, but immediately calls for action: a picture should be made!

7. Soon the mission appears to be less simple than was thought. Zippora and DD are about the same length and when they hug, their merging faces don't make what you would call a pretty picture. I takes several attempts, some creative thinking and a couple of relogs, but then there's finally a satisfying result - however a smart reader may notice that we've cheated (fig. 5).

(Fig. 5: Zippora also gets what she wants)

Playing Second Life

Like most residents I dont consider Second Life® a game. Nevertheless I have deliberately used the word "play" in the title above. To explain that, I'm first taking you for a short excursion into first life.

The other day I was visiting a garden center with my youngest son. My boys love to go there and watch the fishes, the fountains, the birds, the rabbits and other rodents that are for sale. But this time of year a visit is even more exciting, because of the Christmas displays.
My three year old started gasping already at the entrance when he noticed the huge amount of (undecorated) Christmas trees. His eyes started to twinkle even more when we arrived at the lights department. Next he gazed at the thousands of glass balls and garlands and he laughed about the Santa Claus moving on a cable high above us. But absolute winner - like every year - were the huge glass cases with miniature villages covered in snow.
Step by step he walked around them until he had examined and described every tiny man and every lighted house and every moving vehicle that was there to see. You probably can imagine that took some time.



While my little boy took his time to watch the mechanically moving tiny skaters and musicians, my thoughts started to wander...

I wondered what kind of people would enjoy collecting these little houses and setting them up every year before Christmas, shaping mountains and connecting dozens of lights to build a scenery from Dickens' Christmas Carol. It reminded me of my own youth, when we used to build at my brother's model railroad with half of the family: I enjoyed building and landscaping, while my father did the electronics and little brother just drove the trains.
I also had to think of Second Life, where one after another tropical beach is temporarily hidden under a cover of fresh snow and residents are doing all effort to create a similar atmosphere as I was looking at in this shop.

But wait... did I just mention "Second Life" and "model railroad" in one line of thought? Suddenly something became clear to me: SL is simply the contempory equivalent of building model railroads! The latter seems to be a hobby for pensioners or eventually for fathers of eight year old boys, but the average man or woman stays far away from it and prefers not to get caught playing with trains on their attic.
We don't want to make our hands dirty any more and hide safely behind our computer instead. But the crafting virus is inevitable and we start building our little dream world there: on our screen. Instead of gypsum and glue we use prims and to make things move the electric circuits are replaced by scripts. Basically it is all the same.

Obviously I know that SL is much more than just creating a model world: meet people, develop friendships and even relationships, run a business, create art, use it as a tool for education... I'm the last to neglect the numerous possibilities. But tell me why is it so much fun to do all these things in a virtual environment instead of in the atomic reality? Isn't that also because the little boy or girl deep inside us still likes to dream and play, whether with trains and building bricks or with dolls?
Playing is forgetting the possibly dark and mean world out there and set the world to your own hand. Playing is using your imagination and not caring about what is possible or not. Playing is an intense, meaningful and satisfying activity: that applies to children, but not less to adults.
I live my second life, but I also like to play. To my opinion it's the possibility to play that makes our virtual world so adorable. What do you think?

Don't waste your time or time will waste you

We all know that the media tend to jump on every sad case of disturbed family life caused by Second Life® addiction. We also know that those examples are extremes. Nonetheless it is a fact that lots of SL® residents spend more time inworld than is good for their health.

Many of the people that I've met in SL in the past years were/are not content with their first lives in one way or the other. Many of my friends found/find more satisfaction in the virtual community than in the atomic reality. And more than a few of them had/have to deal with a frustrating family life and/or relationship. The temptations of a virtual life are very appealing when you are unhappy.

I've been there too. Two years and a half ago I became unemployed and had to stay at home with my two little boys. I spent way more time at my laptop to be in SL than was responsible. Escaping. Not only fleeing from boring days with nappies, fruit snacks and laundry, but particularly avoiding to think about my own future and take my life in own hands again.

I happened to have found Second Life as a place to escape - it was quite convenient because I didn't have to leave the house - but it could have been anything else. Someone else may have spent his time in lethargy watching television. Someone without kids may have thrown away time in pubs and clubs. The one with relational problems may have fled in adultery, another one in alcohol or drugs abuse.

What I want to say is that a time consuming Second Life isn't just the cause of the problems, but often is another step in a series of piling up personal problems. And like other addictions or wrong behaviour, spending time in SL doesn't solve any problems. It tends to make them worse, up to the level that appeals to television producers.

I'm not telling that Second Life only has a bad effect, on the contrary. The support of online friends, the ability to forget daily worries for a few hours, the opportunity to gather more self esteem: they are all very valuable. But to solve first life problems you need first life time and energy. In first life is the job to be accomplished, not in SL.

You have only one life to live. Fleeing in whatever distraction doesn't help. "Don't waste your time or time will waste you": this line from a song by Muse has helped me to struggle out of the pit two years ago and still gives me the energy when I relapse. So by lack of a matching picture with this post, here's Muse:

Just me

I am not a roleplayer. Although my avatar may make you think I am.

Apart from a few occasions I have always had a non-human avatar. The first or second day of my Second Life® I found a box of freebie wings and since then I fluttered around as a fae. After six months I discovered the feline in me and grew quite attached to ears, tail and whiskers. After two more years I exchanged my neko ears for elven ears. Meanwhile my inventory contains more coloured than human skins and my eyes have been purple-red since my early days. That's me.

People who've known me for a while will confirm that I'm way more human than my appearance suggests. I don't hang out in roleplay sims. They actually make me feel uncomfortable. I am not a good actor in first life and don't want to be one in my second life either. Generally spoken I'm simply the woman that I also am in first life, only with some extra attire.

My elven look (nor my neko bits or fairy wings before) is not an exchangable outfit though, that I change like my clothes when I'm in the mood for something different. I do change the colour of skin, ears and hair frequently, but I typically don't switch between avatars. The fae stayed for months, the neko for years and time will tell how long I will be an elf. My avatar is something more basic, something that makes me "me". And as I am not another person every other week, my avatar doesn't change that often either.



Occasionally people ask me why I do have an avatar like this, while not being a roleplayer. Usually I answer something like "This reflects who I am" or "I feel comfortable like this" or "Why be a human in a world where you can be anything?". But to be honest, I don't really know the answer either. I've wondered it myself. Why?

Initially it was indeed the possibility to be "anything you can be" that made me become a fae. I could fly in this world, so why not wear wings? But if I could be anything, why not be the gorgeous woman that I've never been in first life, like so many other residents do? Well... there's my pride and besides that, a tendency to want to distinguish. But there's more: it would make me feel uncomfortable, because it's very unlike me.

In that case, what makes a fae or a neko more "like me" than a pretty woman? I've tried to explain it for myself, by seeing the avatar as a metaphore for the state of mind of the human. When I was a fluttering fae in SL, I was pretty much lost in first life as well: not knowing where to go and what to do with my life and hopping from one idea to the other. At the time that I was a neko I felt indeed the need to curl up like a cat, find a cozy place and be caressed (it's obvious that I've never been the grungy type of stray cat neko). I don't know if this homemade psychology makes any sense at all. Certain is that I've never "planned" my avatar: it just evolved and my attempts to explain it came afterwards. I'm still not there for the elf avatar by the way....

Only recently I discovered another thing concerning the non-human avatar. It was after my dear friend London - who uses a handful of awesome avatars by turns - apologized a while ago for seeing me with her human avatar, despite knowing that I preferred one of the others. Reason was that she felt more "human" at the time, because of a first life break shortly before.
Somehow this apology made me realize that I don't have this feeling at all. Despite not making a secret of my first life when I'm inworld and despite not having different standards for both of my lives - as I also commented recently on Quaintly's interesting post - I apparently like to keep a distance between "human me" and "virtual me" by using a non-human avatar.
Not being human gives me just that little bit extra not to be exactly the same person as in the atomic world. With a human avatar I'd probably be as shy and prudent as in first life (yes, I am ;-)). But as a fae, a neko or an elf I feel more free to do what I want, to flirt and be sexy or simply to shamelessly run around half naked. Only in the Avillion ballroom they didn't get that: despite my glamorous - but admitted quite revealing - gown I was asked to change whether to go away the other day. Ouch.

The Myst experience

In the early nineties I was working for a friend who was an Apple reseller and one Saturday morning, when I arrived at work, my "boss" directed me to his Mac in the back of the office, saying "I think you will like this". I liked it indeed.
He appeared to have installed Myst and fortunately we didn't have many customers that day: I was completely hooked. When I got my own Mac with colour screen some time later, Myst was one of my first purchases. In the next years I've barely played any other games, but I've got all episodes of Myst.

For those who are not familiar with the game of Myst: you find yourself on a desolate island, but scattered about are signs that people must have been there: a ship wreck, letters and parts of a diary. Many objects, like doors and technical installations are interactive. Along your way you find more clues about the people who've been there and at the end of the game you've not only discovered several magical worlds but also know what tragedy has happened there.
You walk through the world as if you were actually there and see it through your own eyes. All of this happens in a graphic quality that was unknown in those days and is supported by music and environmental sounds that add to the (often surrealistic) atmosphere. Solving the riddles isn't the main attraction of the game. The immersive experience is the game and I loved it at once.

Years passed and eventually I only switched on my Mac for work. But then, on a rainy Sunday afternoon I was reading the newspapers and learned about Second Life© "I think I could like this" I thought. I liked it indeed.
Similar to my days in Myst, I felt the thrill of walking through an unknown world and discovering what it was all about. Obviously, there were no riddles to solve here - except for the interface, perhaps - but that lack was quickly replaced by the joy of interacting with people from all over the world. Nevertheless, my most precious memories of SL© are those which remind me of Myst.

One of the most obvious memories in that category is Svarga. Unfortunately this famous sim has gone by now. I've often wondered what it made so special and worth returning, because as a matter of fact there was not much to discover on the island. It was just the atmosphere getting hold of you: the buildings (a great achievement if you consider that it was in the pre-sculpty age), the light, the music stream. It was unlike reality, but it wasn't impossible in reality either.



However, experiences like my first visit to Svarga grow rare. I don't know if it's because there are less places that provide such an impressive immersive experience, or that it's just me getting used to travelling virtual landscapes. But occasionally the Myst-feeling is back, like a few days ago.

My friend Peter Stindberg sent me a picture of an impressive waterfall. The picture was not very convincing, but he sounded rather excited so I decided to log in and have a look. When I accepted his teleport offer, I expected to find another romantic or fantasy oriented sim, but how different it appeared to be!

We didn't leave the sim for the rest of the evening, because we kept on walking in amazement with every corner that we turned. We lost our way in a maze of dark caves and tunnels with pools of magma surrounding us. We found ourselves in an abandoned subway station with some ghostly company. There was a huge ancient hall with bells and a waterfall (the one it all started about). I felt close to claustrophobia in a white tube, where I was kicked from my chair. And I laid eyes on a futuristic skyline.




I admit, this summary sounds like a clutter of quite unrelated places. But somehow the transition between the different areas was fluent enough not to be confusing. Every new corner made us curiously wonder where we had arrived now. The building was well done - although apparently not yet finished in some places: I guess that's why this sim is not well known yet - and what was most amazing to my opinion were the sounds: every new section was supported by a matching ambient stream, which resulted in an utterly intense, sometimes even creepy experience.

It was the Myst feeling again, and actually even better. Because unlike in Myst, in SecondLife I can share this experience with a friend. Exploring together and sharing your feelings and amazement is a wonderful thing to do. We were Indiana Zabelin and Peter Jones for a few hours. It happened in The Port.


Last (untouched) picture by Peter Stindberg, edited version is here.

Metamorphosis

It started with a skin.
There's been a time in my second life - about one year and a half ago - that I was picking up freebies daily. A lot of those were skins. Most of them didn't survive my occasional inventory cleaning, but some did. There's one skin that I've nearly ever worn, but never had the heart to throw away. It just has got "something" that makes me like it, despite not having a use for it at all.

When I was on my own last week, I dusted it off to have a look at it again and logged of a little later. I'd completely forgotten that I was wearing it when I met my dear friend London next day, who gasped something like : "Why did you do that? You look like an alien, so green!" My jaw dropped. I actually thought it was more yellow than green - my human has the excuse of colour blindness though - but "alien" was the last thought that had ever occurred to me with this skin. I'd always had a fantasy creature in mind with it, probably prompted by its name, which contains the words "Fancy Fairy". London didn't see it like that.

After she had logged off I couldn't resist diving in my inventory to proof otherwise. After an hour or so my neko avatar had transformed into an elf - without spending a penny! - and looked like this:



I kind of liked it. And so did the friends to whom I showed the result. I actually liked it that much that I decided to do a little investment for my new appearance and buy a pair of elven ears that looked like ears instead of misplaced pieces of prim hair. Elven ears seem to come with attached jewelry, by the way, so this is the first time since my noob days that you can see me wearing earrings.

And now that I was at it anyway, why not try one of those other never used skins from my inventory? Hmmm... a bit too boring still, looks like a human, ewww....
Then no-longer-human-Quaintly reminded me of a wonderful tattoo that was also gathering dust in one of my folders. And together with my new brown Efu outfit from Discord it started to look much better. There are still some loose ends though: I think a piercing here or there would fit in nicely (did I just say "piercing"? :O) and I'm still not really convinced about the skin either (some lipstick perhaps?). But for the time being I look like on the picture below. Not bad, eh?



It's funny how the end result is rather different from what I had in mind originally. At first I didn't want to let go the neko thing completely and was aiming for some kind of panther-like catwoman-elf (I admit, that sounds quite vague). But sometimes you find things on your way that make you decide for another goal - at least temporarily. I'm still pondering the feline elf concept too ;-)

So this is the new me: still with big ears, but without my familiar tail and whiskers. But those are not the biggest changes for me. Apart from my recent sidestep to the furry avatar, this is the first time in 2,5 years that I've changed my hair and - even a bigger step - my eyes. Only my shape is untouched. But typically it is also the first time that it feels like "me" nonetheless. Apparently it was time for a change.

Now I only still have a greenish yellow skin in my inventory, and no clue what to do with it...

Behind the screen - explaining Second Life to a kid

*Thank you dandellion for sowing the idea for this post ;-)*

Usually I only log in Second Life® in the evening, when my two kids are safe asleep. My computer addiction isn't exactly a good example for them, so I try to hide that as much as possible ;-) But occasionally, in weekends or holidays, I also log in during day and thus my oldest son (age 5.5 ) is familiar with both of my avatars. Sometimes that leads to quite funny situations, like earlier today, when I logged in with the intention to quickly send an IM, but events took another turn, much to my son's (and my) amusement.
Here's a report of what happened on the first life side of the screen:

While my son is playing in his room, I sneak upstairs, log in and... find Zippora naked next to a Jacuzzi. Ah yes.. that is where she got stuck yesterday: London showed her new house :D
The mini-map shows a green dot close by and I check by IM if it happens to be London. It is her indeed and she tells that Dandellion is accompanying her, so I'd better get my avie dressed unless I don't care if Dande sees her in Eve's costume.
Next moment I wonder why I needed to use that newly uploaded RC viewer right now? I get annoying pop-up messages ("You just opened your inventory, blabla") and my window is much smaller than usual. I'm still adjusting the preferences, when I suddenly hear a pair of little feet approaching on the stairs. I'd better get Zippora dressed as quick as possible!

Son (curiously, finding himself a nice spot at my desk): "Is that your little puppet?"
Me: "Hmhmm" (nods vaguely and finally opens her clothing folder)
Son: "It's naked!"
Me (as casually as can be): "Yesss..."
Son: "Why?"
Me: "Ehrmm..."
Son: "Whyyyy?"
Me: "I'm dressing it"

Son apparently is content with this minimal explanation and starts pointing at my screen and asking what's this ("a tub") and that ("the floor"), while I try to get Zipp dressed and have a conversation with London. I decide for a short Japanese dress.

Son: "Is that a top or a skirt?"
Me (sighs): "That is a dress"
Son: "Aren't you going to wear pants with it?"
Me: "No, it is a dress"
Son (rather disappointed): "You aren't going to put on pants?"
Me: "Nope"

Zippora leaves the bathroom and I notice London and Dande on the bed in the next room. Despite their innocent poses I keep a safe-for-kids distance while London hurries to get dressed and Dande informs if my son can read chat (thank God he can't!). The avatars have some small talk and London starts jumping on her bed.

Son (enthusiastically): "Ohhh, can you jump too?!!!"
Zippora takes the other ball and bounces together with London on the bed.
Son: "Aren't you going to wear pants?"
Me (impatiently): "Noooo, it's a dress: a short dress!"
London switches the animation: she's now jumping with spread legs, while Zipp's head hits the ceiling at every jump.
Son (laughing loud): "You're hitting the ceiling!"
Me (grumbling): "Yes"
Son: "I like what the other puppet does. Can't you do the thing with spread legs?"
Zippora and London swap position.
Son: "Cool! Can you now hit the ceiling again?"
Me (rolling eyes): "..."

Son starts imitating my avatar on the spare bed behind me and demonstrates what Zippora also could do (building piles of the pillows and jump into them, turn while jumping). London mentions that meanwhile her daughter has joined her irl and watches the bouncing as well, which I find quite funny.

Son: "Can you move the other puppets?"
Me: "No, I can only move mine"
Son: "Which one of them is Jona?" (He actually used Jona's rl name: he's met him irl and knows that he's got an avatar too and that we meet in SL).
Me: "Jona is away for a vacation, these are other people"
Son: "Is Jona's puppet away for vacation too?"
Me (laughing): "Ehrr... no, not exactly."

I explain that one has to switch on a computer to steer an avatar and that Jona has no access to a computer when he's travelling. I point the other avatars on the screen and clarify that each of them is controlled by somebody else and tell him in which country their operators live.

Meanwhile an hour has evaporated and it's time to have lunch and pick up my other boy. Zippora hugs London and says good bye to all.

Son (stops bouncing for a moment when he sees the hug): "WHAT are you doing now??!"
Me: "Ehh.." (Thinking: "Why does this embarrass me? A hug! Innocent!")
Son: "Are you talking with the Spanish puppet?" (Pfew, talking yes. What? He remembered that she's Spanish after telling only once?!)
Me: "I'm hugging her for good bye"
Son: "Oh"

Zippora waves and poofs. I switch of my Mac and go downstairs for lunch. When I'm on the stairs I realize that I haven't sent the IM that I logged in for...