Just me

I am not a roleplayer. Although my avatar may make you think I am.

Apart from a few occasions I have always had a non-human avatar. The first or second day of my Second Life® I found a box of freebie wings and since then I fluttered around as a fae. After six months I discovered the feline in me and grew quite attached to ears, tail and whiskers. After two more years I exchanged my neko ears for elven ears. Meanwhile my inventory contains more coloured than human skins and my eyes have been purple-red since my early days. That's me.

People who've known me for a while will confirm that I'm way more human than my appearance suggests. I don't hang out in roleplay sims. They actually make me feel uncomfortable. I am not a good actor in first life and don't want to be one in my second life either. Generally spoken I'm simply the woman that I also am in first life, only with some extra attire.

My elven look (nor my neko bits or fairy wings before) is not an exchangable outfit though, that I change like my clothes when I'm in the mood for something different. I do change the colour of skin, ears and hair frequently, but I typically don't switch between avatars. The fae stayed for months, the neko for years and time will tell how long I will be an elf. My avatar is something more basic, something that makes me "me". And as I am not another person every other week, my avatar doesn't change that often either.



Occasionally people ask me why I do have an avatar like this, while not being a roleplayer. Usually I answer something like "This reflects who I am" or "I feel comfortable like this" or "Why be a human in a world where you can be anything?". But to be honest, I don't really know the answer either. I've wondered it myself. Why?

Initially it was indeed the possibility to be "anything you can be" that made me become a fae. I could fly in this world, so why not wear wings? But if I could be anything, why not be the gorgeous woman that I've never been in first life, like so many other residents do? Well... there's my pride and besides that, a tendency to want to distinguish. But there's more: it would make me feel uncomfortable, because it's very unlike me.

In that case, what makes a fae or a neko more "like me" than a pretty woman? I've tried to explain it for myself, by seeing the avatar as a metaphore for the state of mind of the human. When I was a fluttering fae in SL, I was pretty much lost in first life as well: not knowing where to go and what to do with my life and hopping from one idea to the other. At the time that I was a neko I felt indeed the need to curl up like a cat, find a cozy place and be caressed (it's obvious that I've never been the grungy type of stray cat neko). I don't know if this homemade psychology makes any sense at all. Certain is that I've never "planned" my avatar: it just evolved and my attempts to explain it came afterwards. I'm still not there for the elf avatar by the way....

Only recently I discovered another thing concerning the non-human avatar. It was after my dear friend London - who uses a handful of awesome avatars by turns - apologized a while ago for seeing me with her human avatar, despite knowing that I preferred one of the others. Reason was that she felt more "human" at the time, because of a first life break shortly before.
Somehow this apology made me realize that I don't have this feeling at all. Despite not making a secret of my first life when I'm inworld and despite not having different standards for both of my lives - as I also commented recently on Quaintly's interesting post - I apparently like to keep a distance between "human me" and "virtual me" by using a non-human avatar.
Not being human gives me just that little bit extra not to be exactly the same person as in the atomic world. With a human avatar I'd probably be as shy and prudent as in first life (yes, I am ;-)). But as a fae, a neko or an elf I feel more free to do what I want, to flirt and be sexy or simply to shamelessly run around half naked. Only in the Avillion ballroom they didn't get that: despite my glamorous - but admitted quite revealing - gown I was asked to change whether to go away the other day. Ouch.

The Myst experience

In the early nineties I was working for a friend who was an Apple reseller and one Saturday morning, when I arrived at work, my "boss" directed me to his Mac in the back of the office, saying "I think you will like this". I liked it indeed.
He appeared to have installed Myst and fortunately we didn't have many customers that day: I was completely hooked. When I got my own Mac with colour screen some time later, Myst was one of my first purchases. In the next years I've barely played any other games, but I've got all episodes of Myst.

For those who are not familiar with the game of Myst: you find yourself on a desolate island, but scattered about are signs that people must have been there: a ship wreck, letters and parts of a diary. Many objects, like doors and technical installations are interactive. Along your way you find more clues about the people who've been there and at the end of the game you've not only discovered several magical worlds but also know what tragedy has happened there.
You walk through the world as if you were actually there and see it through your own eyes. All of this happens in a graphic quality that was unknown in those days and is supported by music and environmental sounds that add to the (often surrealistic) atmosphere. Solving the riddles isn't the main attraction of the game. The immersive experience is the game and I loved it at once.

Years passed and eventually I only switched on my Mac for work. But then, on a rainy Sunday afternoon I was reading the newspapers and learned about Second Life© "I think I could like this" I thought. I liked it indeed.
Similar to my days in Myst, I felt the thrill of walking through an unknown world and discovering what it was all about. Obviously, there were no riddles to solve here - except for the interface, perhaps - but that lack was quickly replaced by the joy of interacting with people from all over the world. Nevertheless, my most precious memories of SL© are those which remind me of Myst.

One of the most obvious memories in that category is Svarga. Unfortunately this famous sim has gone by now. I've often wondered what it made so special and worth returning, because as a matter of fact there was not much to discover on the island. It was just the atmosphere getting hold of you: the buildings (a great achievement if you consider that it was in the pre-sculpty age), the light, the music stream. It was unlike reality, but it wasn't impossible in reality either.



However, experiences like my first visit to Svarga grow rare. I don't know if it's because there are less places that provide such an impressive immersive experience, or that it's just me getting used to travelling virtual landscapes. But occasionally the Myst-feeling is back, like a few days ago.

My friend Peter Stindberg sent me a picture of an impressive waterfall. The picture was not very convincing, but he sounded rather excited so I decided to log in and have a look. When I accepted his teleport offer, I expected to find another romantic or fantasy oriented sim, but how different it appeared to be!

We didn't leave the sim for the rest of the evening, because we kept on walking in amazement with every corner that we turned. We lost our way in a maze of dark caves and tunnels with pools of magma surrounding us. We found ourselves in an abandoned subway station with some ghostly company. There was a huge ancient hall with bells and a waterfall (the one it all started about). I felt close to claustrophobia in a white tube, where I was kicked from my chair. And I laid eyes on a futuristic skyline.




I admit, this summary sounds like a clutter of quite unrelated places. But somehow the transition between the different areas was fluent enough not to be confusing. Every new corner made us curiously wonder where we had arrived now. The building was well done - although apparently not yet finished in some places: I guess that's why this sim is not well known yet - and what was most amazing to my opinion were the sounds: every new section was supported by a matching ambient stream, which resulted in an utterly intense, sometimes even creepy experience.

It was the Myst feeling again, and actually even better. Because unlike in Myst, in SecondLife I can share this experience with a friend. Exploring together and sharing your feelings and amazement is a wonderful thing to do. We were Indiana Zabelin and Peter Jones for a few hours. It happened in The Port.


Last (untouched) picture by Peter Stindberg, edited version is here.

Metamorphosis

It started with a skin.
There's been a time in my second life - about one year and a half ago - that I was picking up freebies daily. A lot of those were skins. Most of them didn't survive my occasional inventory cleaning, but some did. There's one skin that I've nearly ever worn, but never had the heart to throw away. It just has got "something" that makes me like it, despite not having a use for it at all.

When I was on my own last week, I dusted it off to have a look at it again and logged of a little later. I'd completely forgotten that I was wearing it when I met my dear friend London next day, who gasped something like : "Why did you do that? You look like an alien, so green!" My jaw dropped. I actually thought it was more yellow than green - my human has the excuse of colour blindness though - but "alien" was the last thought that had ever occurred to me with this skin. I'd always had a fantasy creature in mind with it, probably prompted by its name, which contains the words "Fancy Fairy". London didn't see it like that.

After she had logged off I couldn't resist diving in my inventory to proof otherwise. After an hour or so my neko avatar had transformed into an elf - without spending a penny! - and looked like this:



I kind of liked it. And so did the friends to whom I showed the result. I actually liked it that much that I decided to do a little investment for my new appearance and buy a pair of elven ears that looked like ears instead of misplaced pieces of prim hair. Elven ears seem to come with attached jewelry, by the way, so this is the first time since my noob days that you can see me wearing earrings.

And now that I was at it anyway, why not try one of those other never used skins from my inventory? Hmmm... a bit too boring still, looks like a human, ewww....
Then no-longer-human-Quaintly reminded me of a wonderful tattoo that was also gathering dust in one of my folders. And together with my new brown Efu outfit from Discord it started to look much better. There are still some loose ends though: I think a piercing here or there would fit in nicely (did I just say "piercing"? :O) and I'm still not really convinced about the skin either (some lipstick perhaps?). But for the time being I look like on the picture below. Not bad, eh?



It's funny how the end result is rather different from what I had in mind originally. At first I didn't want to let go the neko thing completely and was aiming for some kind of panther-like catwoman-elf (I admit, that sounds quite vague). But sometimes you find things on your way that make you decide for another goal - at least temporarily. I'm still pondering the feline elf concept too ;-)

So this is the new me: still with big ears, but without my familiar tail and whiskers. But those are not the biggest changes for me. Apart from my recent sidestep to the furry avatar, this is the first time in 2,5 years that I've changed my hair and - even a bigger step - my eyes. Only my shape is untouched. But typically it is also the first time that it feels like "me" nonetheless. Apparently it was time for a change.

Now I only still have a greenish yellow skin in my inventory, and no clue what to do with it...

Behind the screen - explaining Second Life to a kid

*Thank you dandellion for sowing the idea for this post ;-)*

Usually I only log in Second Life® in the evening, when my two kids are safe asleep. My computer addiction isn't exactly a good example for them, so I try to hide that as much as possible ;-) But occasionally, in weekends or holidays, I also log in during day and thus my oldest son (age 5.5 ) is familiar with both of my avatars. Sometimes that leads to quite funny situations, like earlier today, when I logged in with the intention to quickly send an IM, but events took another turn, much to my son's (and my) amusement.
Here's a report of what happened on the first life side of the screen:

While my son is playing in his room, I sneak upstairs, log in and... find Zippora naked next to a Jacuzzi. Ah yes.. that is where she got stuck yesterday: London showed her new house :D
The mini-map shows a green dot close by and I check by IM if it happens to be London. It is her indeed and she tells that Dandellion is accompanying her, so I'd better get my avie dressed unless I don't care if Dande sees her in Eve's costume.
Next moment I wonder why I needed to use that newly uploaded RC viewer right now? I get annoying pop-up messages ("You just opened your inventory, blabla") and my window is much smaller than usual. I'm still adjusting the preferences, when I suddenly hear a pair of little feet approaching on the stairs. I'd better get Zippora dressed as quick as possible!

Son (curiously, finding himself a nice spot at my desk): "Is that your little puppet?"
Me: "Hmhmm" (nods vaguely and finally opens her clothing folder)
Son: "It's naked!"
Me (as casually as can be): "Yesss..."
Son: "Why?"
Me: "Ehrmm..."
Son: "Whyyyy?"
Me: "I'm dressing it"

Son apparently is content with this minimal explanation and starts pointing at my screen and asking what's this ("a tub") and that ("the floor"), while I try to get Zipp dressed and have a conversation with London. I decide for a short Japanese dress.

Son: "Is that a top or a skirt?"
Me (sighs): "That is a dress"
Son: "Aren't you going to wear pants with it?"
Me: "No, it is a dress"
Son (rather disappointed): "You aren't going to put on pants?"
Me: "Nope"

Zippora leaves the bathroom and I notice London and Dande on the bed in the next room. Despite their innocent poses I keep a safe-for-kids distance while London hurries to get dressed and Dande informs if my son can read chat (thank God he can't!). The avatars have some small talk and London starts jumping on her bed.

Son (enthusiastically): "Ohhh, can you jump too?!!!"
Zippora takes the other ball and bounces together with London on the bed.
Son: "Aren't you going to wear pants?"
Me (impatiently): "Noooo, it's a dress: a short dress!"
London switches the animation: she's now jumping with spread legs, while Zipp's head hits the ceiling at every jump.
Son (laughing loud): "You're hitting the ceiling!"
Me (grumbling): "Yes"
Son: "I like what the other puppet does. Can't you do the thing with spread legs?"
Zippora and London swap position.
Son: "Cool! Can you now hit the ceiling again?"
Me (rolling eyes): "..."

Son starts imitating my avatar on the spare bed behind me and demonstrates what Zippora also could do (building piles of the pillows and jump into them, turn while jumping). London mentions that meanwhile her daughter has joined her irl and watches the bouncing as well, which I find quite funny.

Son: "Can you move the other puppets?"
Me: "No, I can only move mine"
Son: "Which one of them is Jona?" (He actually used Jona's rl name: he's met him irl and knows that he's got an avatar too and that we meet in SL).
Me: "Jona is away for a vacation, these are other people"
Son: "Is Jona's puppet away for vacation too?"
Me (laughing): "Ehrr... no, not exactly."

I explain that one has to switch on a computer to steer an avatar and that Jona has no access to a computer when he's travelling. I point the other avatars on the screen and clarify that each of them is controlled by somebody else and tell him in which country their operators live.

Meanwhile an hour has evaporated and it's time to have lunch and pick up my other boy. Zippora hugs London and says good bye to all.

Son (stops bouncing for a moment when he sees the hug): "WHAT are you doing now??!"
Me: "Ehh.." (Thinking: "Why does this embarrass me? A hug! Innocent!")
Son: "Are you talking with the Spanish puppet?" (Pfew, talking yes. What? He remembered that she's Spanish after telling only once?!)
Me: "I'm hugging her for good bye"
Son: "Oh"

Zippora waves and poofs. I switch of my Mac and go downstairs for lunch. When I'm on the stairs I realize that I haven't sent the IM that I logged in for...

A hot guy, a cyborg and a facelight

I've been away for a vacation of two weeks. You probably didn't even notice, because I've posted quite irregularly anyway in the past months.
When I'm on vacation I have one golden rule: no internet. The laptop stays at home and instead I try to minimise my pile of unread books. (I deliberately write "try", because every holiday again I fail hopelessly at that attempt, because I tend to go to bed way earlier than at home). I also have one exception on my golden rule: I allow myself to check my mailboxes every now and then. But even with an iPhone in my pocket I managed to postpone that until the second week. Good girl, eh?

One could think that being disconnected from the internet would be sufficient to prohibit me from thinking of my virtual life, but unfortunately the truth is different. I easily manage to ignore SL® issues for two weeks and I've also passed the stage of wanting to click on people to read their profile or looking for clothes that fit better at my avatar than at my human body. It's more subtle. After 2,5 years virtual reality apparently is inseparable part of my every day frame of reference.

Like when that guy passed our tent and I thought: "Omg, that IS a gorgeous avatar!". No kidding, that happened. Said guy really looked like one of the better examples of male avatars: about twenty years old, not too tall, muscled but without gorilla shoulders, tanned, nice sleek brown hair and a smooth face. Oh yummy, what a delight to watch, and he was staying two tents away from ours :) Truth forces me to admit that it also made me feel like an old tart actually :(

A couple of days later we were visiting the mediaeval castle of Larochette, Luxembourg. There happened to be an exhibition of modern art in one of the renovated buildings and when we entered the first room my eyes were immediately drawn to the cyborg in the corner. I couldn't resist taking a picture of it*.


But that was only the beginning of the fun. In one of the next rooms we found a circle of lacquered female mannequins, gathered around one male in the centre who was called Narcism. All dolls were barely dressed and wearing various attributes to express some characteristic or attitude. Quite a few of them reminded me of SL situations and one of the funniest was this red lady with her facelight**:


I truly enjoyed watching the women and their attire and so did my kids, while my husband was still muttering something about how inappropriate these stupid dolls were in such an old setting.

It was not until a few days later, when I was back at my pile of books, that I read a few lines that made me understand the importance of an apparently silly exhibit like the one mentioned above. And what's more, it also explains why I love my current profession of storyteller and why I am so addicted to my second life. It's all about imagination and daring to dream. So here's (finally) my serious note of today: read it and spread the word!

If we, citizens, do not support our artists, then we sacrifice our imagination on the altar of crude reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams.
(From the introduction to Life of Pi, by Yann Martel)

Notes:
* Héros-Limite by Thierry Carliez
** Méditation by Patrice de Schaetzen de Schaetzenhoff
Both exhibited until Aug 2nd 2009 at Château de Larochette, Larochette, Luxembourg as part of Summer Art Encounter by Galleria leukoS (www.galleria-leukos.eu)
*** You have to excuse me for not posting a picture of the handsome guy: I didn't really like the thought of explaining to him or my husband why I needed a photograph! He actually reminded me of my alt ;-)

Home sweet home

The events in the past few days (read my previous post and my comment there) made me realize once again how much I like my home in SecondLife®. How much this collection of pixels actually feels like home. "Home" is not limited to my own parcel by the way. I also count both adjacent parcels owned by my partner as home, one of which was actually mostly landscaped by yours truly.
Every time when one of my neighbours moves I'm fearfully waiting what will be next and hoping that new residents will make something that reasonably fits in the environment (and my rather picky taste ;-))

I've lived on Pearl Beach for almost a year now. When I bought my parcel, it was a tropical beach like you see so often (too often?) in SecondLife: flat, sandy, scattered with palmtrees. I obviously didn't move there because of the attractive environment, but because my love already owned the parcel next to mine.
At first I didn't change much yet. That is, if you don't count raising a huge hill to hide my neighbour's mess *grins*. At the foot of the hill I rezzed the bedouin tent that had been my home for the past year, and that was all for the time being. Same home, different slurl.

But as my plot was four times as big as my previous home, I had to think of something new: I couldn't just leave it empty like that. After a few weeks I started building a small Japanese style house, next a huge waterfall arose and eventually my parcel changed into the green bay that I now call "home".
On three sides it's enclosed by steep slopes and the fourth side borders on Jona's land. He's got one parcel with the 2nd Magazine Gallery, which is divided from mine by the pond with the infamous step stones and another parcel that you can reach with a narrow bridge, where his house is situated and - not unimportant - my once to finish Japanese garden.
The garden is actually not the only thing to be finished. I assume that my place never will be finished. There's always another corner that needs adjustment, another object that I can't resist buying and next makes me puzzling where to put it or another idea breeding in my mind.

I love to walk around in my bay. I can literally walk a circle over the various bridges connecting the parcels. Sometimes I log in, start walking and soon I find myself working on one of the many unfinished projects until hours later. But I can also simply enjoy walking and see what I've made so far. Or sit on one of the many (hidden) poseballs and ponder. This is my place and I love it.

It was during one of these walks on my land the day before yesterday, that I thought showing my home here would make a nice blogpost before I leave for vacation in a couple of days. Here's the pictures:


Overview of most of my 4096sqm


Cuddle corner (I love swings :))


My little bath house on one of the slopes

Unfortunately I didn't manage to take good pics of the big waterfall and my Buddha well :( Check them yourself (here) if you like and say hello when I happen to be around. ;-)

The mystery of the stepping stones

A quick and dirty post... simply because I don't understand what's happening.

When I opened my mailbox this morning I found one of those well known SL® system messages:

"You have received a message from Second Life:
Your object 'Stepping stones' has been returned to your inventory lost and found folder by Dreamland ACS from parcel 'Jonas Home' at Pearl Beach 153, 189 because the parcel is full."

Puzzled I stared at my screen. For your information: "Jona's Home" is my partner's land, adjecent to mine. I have building rights there. Mentioned "Stepping stones" have been there since 9 months or such and are in the pond between the two plots, connecting our parcels.
Why the heck were they suddenly returned? I know that his parcel is almost full *grins, because she knows who's to blame for that*, but completely full?!

First thought was that Jona might have built something on his land quite early on the Saturday morning.... hmm not very likely. And then HE would have returned the objects, not the sim owner, not?
Or someone else could have rezzed something on our beach, making it overflow. No, neither: then (s)he would have got the message that it was unable to rez because of a reached prim limit.

Between my usual Saturday morning laundry and vacuum cleaning I decided to log in and have a look. Everything as usual. Jona's land shows a prim count of only 10 left (hmm... wasn't that 20?) but I can easily put back the 5 prim counting stepping stones. Right. Here we are.

But doing so, I find the next surprise when I am in edit mode. Creator of the object is apparently is a guy called Siggy Something... WTF?! I'm quite certain that I created all 5 prims of my little stepping stone bridge with my own hands!!! I think I'm going nuts...
I'd better go vacuum cleaning.