Apart from a few occasions I have always had a non-human avatar. The first or second day of my Second Life® I found a box of freebie wings and since then I fluttered around as a fae. After six months I discovered the feline in me and grew quite attached to ears, tail and whiskers. After two more years I exchanged my neko ears for elven ears. Meanwhile my inventory contains more coloured than human skins and my eyes have been purple-red since my early days. That's me.
People who've known me for a while will confirm that I'm way more human than my appearance suggests. I don't hang out in roleplay sims. They actually make me feel uncomfortable. I am not a good actor in first life and don't want to be one in my second life either. Generally spoken I'm simply the woman that I also am in first life, only with some extra attire.
My elven look (nor my neko bits or fairy wings before) is not an exchangable outfit though, that I change like my clothes when I'm in the mood for something different. I do change the colour of skin, ears and hair frequently, but I typically don't switch between avatars. The fae stayed for months, the neko for years and time will tell how long I will be an elf. My avatar is something more basic, something that makes me "me". And as I am not another person every other week, my avatar doesn't change that often either.
Occasionally people ask me why I do have an avatar like this, while not being a roleplayer. Usually I answer something like "This reflects who I am" or "I feel comfortable like this" or "Why be a human in a world where you can be anything?". But to be honest, I don't really know the answer either. I've wondered it myself. Why?
Initially it was indeed the possibility to be "anything you can be" that made me become a fae. I could fly in this world, so why not wear wings? But if I could be anything, why not be the gorgeous woman that I've never been in first life, like so many other residents do? Well... there's my pride and besides that, a tendency to want to distinguish. But there's more: it would make me feel uncomfortable, because it's very unlike me.
In that case, what makes a fae or a neko more "like me" than a pretty woman? I've tried to explain it for myself, by seeing the avatar as a metaphore for the state of mind of the human. When I was a fluttering fae in SL, I was pretty much lost in first life as well: not knowing where to go and what to do with my life and hopping from one idea to the other. At the time that I was a neko I felt indeed the need to curl up like a cat, find a cozy place and be caressed (it's obvious that I've never been the grungy type of stray cat neko). I don't know if this homemade psychology makes any sense at all. Certain is that I've never "planned" my avatar: it just evolved and my attempts to explain it came afterwards. I'm still not there for the elf avatar by the way....
Only recently I discovered another thing concerning the non-human avatar. It was after my dear friend London - who uses a handful of awesome avatars by turns - apologized a while ago for seeing me with her human avatar, despite knowing that I preferred one of the others. Reason was that she felt more "human" at the time, because of a first life break shortly before.
Somehow this apology made me realize that I don't have this feeling at all. Despite not making a secret of my first life when I'm inworld and despite not having different standards for both of my lives - as I also commented recently on Quaintly's interesting post - I apparently like to keep a distance between "human me" and "virtual me" by using a non-human avatar.
Not being human gives me just that little bit extra not to be exactly the same person as in the atomic world. With a human avatar I'd probably be as shy and prudent as in first life (yes, I am ;-)). But as a fae, a neko or an elf I feel more free to do what I want, to flirt and be sexy or simply to shamelessly run around half naked. Only in the Avillion ballroom they didn't get that: despite my glamorous - but admitted quite revealing - gown I was asked to change whether to go away the other day. Ouch.
4 comments:
One of the good things of SL is you can be somebody you aren't, and so enjoy being a vampire, a dragon, or tall.
But the wonderful thing of SL is it lets you be somebody you are,like a vampire or a dragon.
Or tall ;-p
Even more, it isn't the first time that I try an avatar and then I feel it was just what I needed, even if I didn't knew it, or it even changes a bit my current mood. As Terry Pratchett says, the jug shapes the water, and trying new avies show me new things about myself.
I miss your old neko; not her looks, since your elf is beautiful enough and you kept the most impactant feature, those dark red eyes. But I miss her cuddliness.
I think the change started long ago, and your new avatar simply reflects it; maybe a new strenght in your commitment with RL, maybe spiced with of melancholy.
Something lost, something won: I may miss the kitten, but your new avatar is lovely... and I envy how you slowly grows into things, instead of jumping back and forth as I tend to do.
I wonder who you will be in a pair of years? :-)
I'm neko and I did some rolepleying. I stopped that now bit I'm still neko. Why? Because it's me......:)
Love the look!
"I think the change started long ago, and your new avatar simply reflects it; maybe a new strenght in your commitment with RL, maybe spiced with of melancholy."
/me has a shiver down his spine and thinks this is quite a good assessment
Anita and London, I agree on the cuddliness of nekos, that was what struck me immediately when I put on neko ears the first time :)
I think it's also true that my avatar change has been a long process and not a sudden change. And melancholy, yes... that thought also occurred to me...
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